Divided We Fall

We didn't get the job in The Temperate Zone - that's a little north of The Jungle - so we won't be moving before the summer is over. I know I didn't mention it before - mostly because I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
I still don't.
On the one hand, I'm disappointed because moving has an excitement to it; the houses are way cheap, big and gorgeous up there, the cost of living is much lower, but the salary was almost the same so we'd have been ahead that way. The chance for a garden, visiting U-Picks and having space for kids, a hot tub, whatever was there. Tarzan would have been perfect for the job - despite his repeated attempts to tell me he was too young, didn't have enough experience, blah, blah, blah, he's awesome and cares so much he would have done a fabulous job. The interview went well - he was prepped. While driving around the area we were more worried about what we were leaving behind than whether we'd get the job.
On the other hand, we LOVE The Jungle. It's happening. I love big cities, always have. The weather is awesome, the beach is next door practically, everything is here - EVERY thing anyone could want can be found in this town. We have our own production of Wicked for crying out loud! Tarzan and I have a place here. We have friends and family near, we have roots and ripping those up is never easy.
As it turns out we don't have to. Tarzan says he's happy to not have gotten the position and, to be fair, it would have been A LOT of work for him. Because of budget cuts and everything the school district was hiring one person not two, as advertised, to plan and execute the library program for all fourteen of their schools. Two people would have had a lot of work to do. One is just ridiculous. If I barely see him now what would that have been like? And our house here IS small, but it's just us for now, and let's be honest, how good would I be at keeping a garden? I can't keep the weeds out of the front yard as it is.
So that's where I am - happy we get to stay and yet sad because we've 'been here, done that' so to speak. Sad we don't get a new, bigger, fabulous house with a pool, yard and many bedrooms for less than half of what this tiny thing is appraised for, but happy that we get to keep this one to make better - I have GOT to get on that insulation thing...Happy that Tarzan gets to stay at his school where he is doing so much good and sad that he won't get to be in charge of all the schools and maybe get to have influence on a higher level; figure out this budget crisis somehow. (Don't I have large aspirations for the man?) I don't think I've ever been so torn on a decision in my life. This would have been a hard one to make...really glad I don't have to.

This is me, divided.