Friday, February 26, 2010

Next Year I Want To Bring The Napkins

I would not have guessed finding blue and yellow M&Ms would take so bloody long.
Apparently I was wrong.

This is me, glad the cub scout Blue & Gold dinner comes around only once a year.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

So There

I am starting a nationwide - if not world wide - boycott of Bank of America. (Oh heck no I am not advertising for them.) Every experience I have had involving the corporation suggests that they stink. None of the employees I have worked with know what they are doing, their timing blows and they're not very nice. There has been no explaining of what they want, no timeline of when they want it and absolutely no concern for the client.
I think I try to be a forgiving individual, and I don't like to vilify anyone or thing. Yes, I whine and I complain but I am always willing to give second chances and I trust until I am given a reason not to.
Well here is my reason not to. And this is not the first time, so I am outie as the kids are saying these days.
I tend to agree with a dear friend who put it succinctly when she said, "B of A is evil."

This is me, and I will never deal with Bank of America again. Nev-er.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Didn't Buy Us Dinner First

I suppose it was inevitable, living in the Jungle as we do, where we do, but we've been living here eight years and nothing has ever happened. I suppose we got a little complacent? Here's what happened.
I went out this morning to run some errands, came home around 1:30pm. Tarzan came home at 4:30pm and asked when I had last been outside because somewhere in that window, someone - or probably several someones - stole the ELECTRIC MOTOR that opens and closes the gate at the back of our property.
Where we park the cars.
This thing weighs 80 pounds, give or take, so I pretty sure it wasn't a spur of the moment theft. It took tools.
For one thing, the perpetrators cut the chain connecting the motor to the gate. They also snipped the electrical wires - which had the unexpected bonus of cutting power to the shed where the washer, dryer and water heater are - and cut the bolts that held the motor to the ground.
No, these boogers came prepared.
Interestingly enough they didn't bother my car at all, which WAS locked but is not any great fortress even so. It was broad daylight, which might have been a factor. It makes me less trusting of our neighbors which is sad, since we've got a decent relationship with most of them.
Tarzan is taking it kind of hard. He's the great, white, hunter/protector and all that. Invasion of his space isn't something he takes lightly. (Editor's Note: I am instructed to say that he was bothered by it only for an hour give or take and then decided it was funny.) I suspect my reaction will be subtler, subconscious, probably in the form of dreams.
But wait, it gets better.
The best part is, after stealing our motor, leaving bits of metal in the dirt and LIVE WIRES lying around free, the thief(s) CLOSED THE GATE. Sure, steal and pillage but don't forget to close the gate, the cat might get out? Where's the logic there?
We've reported it to law enforcement and have a makeshift lock on the fence but the likelihood of getting the motor back is slim to none. In the meantime we have to get an electrician to come over and reroute power for the shed. And try to forget we've been violated.

This is me and I'm not quite sure how to feel right now.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Even I Could Play It

Curling is the greatest Olympic sport. I know, everyone loves the Alpine skiing, the ice skating, the fancy snowboard flips and what have you, but I like the curling. Do you want to know why? I am going to tell you and think about this carefully before you comment.
It's the only Olympic sport where one does not have to be in great physical shape to play.
Sure, training is involved but most of it involves standing around and looking serious. It's an Olympic sport but the only thing that needs to be super fit is the rock. That and the brooms. It's like a cross between bowling and shuffleboard - only slower than either one.
In a seemingly but not completely different vein, I have never had much to say about the clothing for any of the winter sports - can you say thermal spandex anyone? - but the Denmark girls curling team's outfits are totally awesome. I want one.
(This picture does not show the skirts, which is the coolest part and I am sure someone else could find a better one but I am what you get.)

This is me and my Olympic dream is still alive.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Think Of All The People

Who else thinks a temporary solution to the unemployment problem could be to hire census workers to go door to door taking information instead of mailing out the form and hoping to get it back?
Not a lot, but it worked before.

This is me and I'd volunteer to do it.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Maybe He Has Better Things To Do

I love the Olympics and I am definitely enjoying watching all the events. I am also liking the commercials for the country where they are being held. There are a lot of celebrities from there apparently and they comment and suggest we all move there too. Some I like, some I don't know, some I don't care, but there's one missing that I think should have been - Michael Shanks - maybe he was invited and said no, maybe they couldn't find him, maybe he's off world, but knowing what I do about him I would have liked his commercial.

This is me and all of that was just so I could whine some more. I is talented.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Flour Power

I did not think it made much difference what kind of flour I used - in fact, the (multiple) recipe books said enriched white flour would be just fine - but they lied.
They lied all over the place.
After trying a LOT of different combinations of flour, egg, salt, water and oil - those same books all have their own idea of what works best - and getting crumbly, gluey, sticky and tough doughs I almost gave up trying. Bless Tarzan for eating them all, every time, or I would have.
As I was grocery shopping one of these last times - in a market I don't frequent all that often, it being on the other side of town - I passed a display that had semolina flour on sale and I thought, why the heck not try it one more time with the flour the recipes mention first - and then dismiss with the "or enriched white flour" lie.
And can I just say - SO. MUCH. BETTER.
Suddenly all the "just do" this and "quickly, the dough will clump up and form" myths came true and faster than you can say spaghetti I was rolling out nice, smooth, stretchy pasta dough. Boom.
It is all in the semolina flour baby, and don't let the snarky recipes books tell you otherwise.

This is me and I ate the ravioli this time, that's how much better it was.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

In Case You Were Interested

Thought for the day:
Carpet tacks are sharp. Don't jab at them with your thumb. It hurts.

This is me, and I might have missed my calling as a poet that's so brilliant.

Friday, February 05, 2010

That Parade Passed Me By

Can someone please explain teen angst to me? Not what it is - I've seen it enacted a ridiculous amount lately - but why it is. I was a teenager once; I dated boys and I fancied myself in love with these boys. But I never expected to be with any of them forever. I didn't sink into depression when we broke up nor did I want to skip out on my college acceptance so we wouldn't have to be separated. I never stalked a guy - well not really - and I NEVER beat up another girl over some dude.
Was that abnormal? I'm wondering if I somehow missed a vital part of growing up because I never felt the need to perform a "cleansing" of my apartment when a boy turned out to not be everything I wanted. If television, music, magazines and movies are to be believed - I know, no one with brains thinks any of that should be believed, but some people DO - than every relationship is the only possible hope for mankind and when it ends we should go out and slit our wrists. At sixteen. Or even twenty-five. Oh no, teen angst does not stop with the teenagers. What IS that? It can't just be that sex changes everything because in a lot of cases there is no sex. Like on Gilmore Girls - Rory is hung up over EVERY boy that she's ever dated and she doesn't sleep with any of them until the first one gets married. Not that the character is the end and be all of examples but it's one I'm familiar with. I could cite chicks from all the sitcoms, most movies and songs too.
What is the deal?

This is me and I just don't get it.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Weird Dream #32

My dreams sure are the dumping ground for my brain.
Last night I dreamed George Harrison - only he wasn't a Beatle, he was a cowboy - was at my parents "new" house - only the house was not one I have ever been to - for a neighborhood party. He was hitting on me - I didn't mind since I wasn't married - and he gave me his belt to hold, only some kid took it while I was working the cotton candy machine and I chased her all the way to her house in the city to get it and then drove back to the ranch where George was giving riding lessons - three levels of difficulty all at once.
It got muddled after that. There was a fence I had to climb over and then my mom wanted something but George was was weird.

This is me and I have NO idea where some of that came from.

Holy World Peace Batman!

It's been a while since I commented about CuteOverload but this post yesterday was excellent.
Apparently they just weren't that hungry:
Or scared:
I mean, if the cheetahs and impalas can do it...what is wrong with the rest of the world, I ask you.

This is me, and that's cute.

Monday, February 01, 2010

I Knew 17/20

This meme comes to you today courtesy of Uncle TD and I am proud to say I know stuff not in my decade. Leave me your score in the comments. No cheating!
1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D.. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil
2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E.. Fabian
F.. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay
3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...
A. It's you
B. He is us
C. It's the Grinch
D. He wasn't home
E. He's really me an
F. We quit
G. He surrendered
4. Good night David...
A. Good night Chet

B. Sleep well
C. Good night Irene
D. Good night Gracie
E. See you later alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night Steve
5. You'll wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo
7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The Amer ican way
G. News headlines
9. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear
B. It's time to do your homework
C. It's Howdy Doody Time
D. It's Time for Romper Room
E. It's bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time
10. Lions and tigers and bears....
A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I'm scared

E. Oh my
F. Help! Help!
G. Let's run
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone...
A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don't know
F. Who says, 'Trust me'
G.. Who eats tofu
12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings...
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway
13. Brylcream...
A. Smear it on
B. You'll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Grease ball heaven
E. It's a dream
F. We're your team
G. A little dab'll do ya
14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill
15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno
16. Name the Beatles...
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo>
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, who...
A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?
18. I'm strong to the finish...
A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I'm the hero
E. And don't you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
G. To outlast Bruto
19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you're on Star Search
C. Smile, you won the lottery
D. Smile, we're watching you
E . Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, you're a hit
G. Smile, you're on TV
20. What do M & M's do?
A. Make your tummy happy
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
C. Make you fat
D. Melt your heart
E. Make you popular
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand

G. Come in colors

This is me and I the answers are as follows.

From Whence You Cometh