Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Could Be Worse

It's still a little unsettling for me to have Thanksgiving and Christmas in the warm with the green grass but it could be a worse life than living here where it's 76 degrees on December 31st.

This is me and it's a shift I can live with.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Always The Same Trouble

One morning, two weeks before Christmas, I woke up, got dressed and after brushing my hair out, this is what I had going on in the bangs area:
I tried with the fine toothed comb:
And it sprang right back:
I had needed one for a while but I decided it was time for a hair cut.
That same day.
I went to a place that allowed walk-ins, wasn't too expensive - it was a cosmetology school actually - and explained my dilemma. I have pictures from the last time I was happy with my hair, which was when PhatFiddle got married - he has two kids now - and try to get hair stylists to copy it. I have tried this the last four times I got my hair done.
This time, I came out with something a little different than what I asked for:
But I really like it.
A lot.
The trouble is, I can't recreate it on my own. I ignore the back and let it dry as it will. I don't have time every day to blow dry my whole head and doing the back is annoying anyway and I don't care if it's a little less straight.
My bangs, however, I take more time with. I don't let them air dry, or pin them down, I use a styling serum, I blow them straight out and then up, for volume, and then over in a wave. I do it everyday and they won't go the way they are supposed to.
Anyone? Thoughts?

This is me and I can't get it right at home.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas 2013

This is me and:

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Every Year

Another Facebook classic:

This is me and it's true.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Last Minute

There are people who can shop on Christmas Eve and not go completely insane, yelling and punching others.
This is not me.
It is Tarzan though. (He is such a better person than I.)
It's fortunate he only has to buy presents for me.

This is me and it's all done for this year.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

So Close

My arms are short.
I don't know if they're short disproportionally or just short because I am. Short that is.
But because of my stature, and because I drive a convertible which has long doors, and because the seats are low, when I have to take a ticket from a parking kiosk I need to drive my car very close and sometimes I still have to lean way out the window to snag one. Many times I have to put my car in park and open the door, which involves taking off my seatbelt, to reach the ticket slot. And referring to the sentence above about having large doors on my car, that can have it's own challenges with clearance on posts and things.
So it was with great delight that I managed to get close enough to the kiosk yesterday, to not only push the red button, but also to grab the ticket when it clicked out of the machine.
And then I almost cried when it tumbled out of my fingers and fluttered softly to the ground.
Wherein I had to put the car in park, take off my seatbelt, open the door, try not to smash the door against the offending kiosk, and pat around on the ground for the ticket. While people honked at me from behind.

This is me lucky it did not go under the car.

Monday, December 16, 2013

It's What We Do

Please tell me - conspicuous consumers that we, as a country, are - why there is not an option for US of A on the website? I can order things with a credit card that is a citizen of Africa, China and/or Australia, but not America.
What's with that?

This is me, feeling a little put out.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

From The Office

New member: "Hey Bishop, just letting you know, I started LSD this week."
Bishop: "Say whaaa?"
New member: "Oh. No, I mean, LDSJobs"

This is me and it's a common mistake.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Rodents Anyone

Does anyone know what makes holes like this:

In December, in the Jungle?
We don't have snakes, I don't think possums burrow. It's too small for a rabbit...
Rats? Mice?

This is me and it's really round and not very deep.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

A Life Beyond #16

It is a really nice kitchen.
The built-in side by side fridge and freezer:
The open space, the island:
Lots of cabinets:
And then, what's that there:
Why yes it is a fireplace:

A rounded turret with a fireplace.
In the kitchen.
I can't imagine the use of it in that location but it is mighty fancy looking.
Of course I can't imagine why the wine:
Is more accessible than the breakfast cereal either:
But, it is a custom home. No doubt about that.

This is me and it's different.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Traditional Meltdown

For lack of a better post, this is me freaking out because Christmas is 2 WEEKS away and as usual there is a myriad of things to do and prep for and coordinate with others and it never goes as it is supposed to and sometimes the end result is good and sometimes not so much but the time constraint is always insane and this year is no exception and even if I didn't have a job - well three - I don't see how there would be enough time and have I mentioned my plan that we should all take the month of December off?
When we leave for Thanksgiving that should be it until the new year.

This is me and it wouldn't work that way either, but it's a dream.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Just Smile And Nod

There are some fantastic commentaries on the our society coming out right now:

This is me and just be pleasant and nice to others. That's all.

Monday, December 09, 2013

Belts And Pants

I had to get my father-in-law help me get my pants off today.
It was a very serious misadventure.
I was getting dressed for work and my best looking jeans are looser than I like to bend over in repeatedly so I don't wear them often (probably why they look the best) and I thought I would see if one of Tarzan's belt could help me stay modest all day.
Checking the closet revealed that Tarzan had worn the belt I like best of his. My only choices were his brown belt - which ended up being too big, even on it's last loop, to be of any use - and the special Chinese belt that his father brought all the boys back from their trip. I put it on, and it was pretty cool, no loops, so the belt fits perfectly at every point.
Like a zip-tie.
But I couldn't get it off again.
Exactly like a zip-tie, it goes one way easily and the other not at all.
I texted Tarzan, thinking he would know how to get his belt off. But he couldn't describe it to me in a way that would make it work.
I had to leave for work and I was taking ATL too, so I left, still texting Tarzan and still imprisoned inside my legwear. He promised to let me out when he got home from school, but halfway across town I realized that I couldn't use the bathroom all day long if I couldn't undo the belt.
According to Tarzan, there is a "button on the back" of the belt that would release the mechanism and let me out, but no matter what I pushed or pulled or twisted, it wasn't letting go. So Tarzan called his father who had given him the belt and was the originator of the undoing trick.
Then his father called me and MusicMan helped me figure out the clasp. Turns out it is not a button but a little lever, not on the back, but the bottom of the belt and the belt has to have some slack in it and the lever pushed out and away from the body at the same time.
It's fairly easy once I knew how.
But it was a few hours of anxiety when I didn't. 

This is me and I have a skill.

Sunday, December 08, 2013

Blowing My Nose

I have formed the opinion that when I am sick, I should look sick.
Looking at my face, I don't think people can tell that my sinuses hurt, my head aches, my throat is sore and I am so very tired and cold. (Maybe they suspect I am tired but that's all)
The logic is that if I look sick, people might actually think I was sick and then they wouldn't ask me to do things like come to work on a Saturday or answer hard questions.
I'm not sure what to do about people who hear me [try to] speak and still don't notice I am sick. Like when I was at work yesterday and kept sneezing and rasping out my words and things just went on as if all were normal.
For them; I licked all their furniture.

This is me and it seems I have a cold.

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Makes Sense

Best logic I have heard in a while:
  1. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree
  2. That makes it a plant
  3. Chocolate is salad.
This is me liking where his mind is at.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Not For Young Readers

Warning: Please be advised, the following contains material with adult themes. You probably shouldn't let the children read it.

Are we alone now?
Okay good.
So, one of my jobs; being a personal assistant. And that means I do a lot of random things; file bills, laminate photos, highlight instructions, walk the dog, pull weeds, fetch the mail, chop vegetables for dinner, etc.
Perhaps the weirdest/oddest/strangest/most bizarre thing I have ever had to do was order a vibrator for a 79 year old woman.
Yes, yes I did.
If it helps at all, I don't think she knows what it is that she asked for. In the catalog it was labeled as "intimate massager." It was circled on a page with other, more innocuous massagers.
What does not help is that when it arrived she instructed me to figure out how to charge it and how to turn it on.
And even after all that, I still don't think she knows what it is she asked for.
But I do and I will never be able to get that out of my mind.

This is me and the things that I do at work...

Thursday, December 05, 2013

Where Are The Flames?

I'm pretty sure a Maserati was a fancier car when I was a kid:

Didn't it used to have rotating headlights and sharp angles and tailpipes everywhere?

This is me and I remember it snazzier.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

So There New England!

One of the things I hear the most from people who don't live in The Jungle is that they like having 4 seasons.
I will admit, the odds that it will snow here at any point in the year is minimal to none.
There is proof positive that the trees do change color:

This is me and it's close enough for me.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Random Travel Photos

So, I was showing a house today, and waiting for the lady to walk through "one last time" and was playing with my phone, pretending to look busy and I came upon some random photos from the airport when I was traveling.
There is a reason why the Jungle has a "style," a "vibe," a "look":
I especially like this one. The shoes, the blanket and the glasses:

This is me and it's amusing when you see the stereotype come true.

Monday, December 02, 2013

Crash, Tinkle, Tinkle

'Tis the season of house repairs!
Right before I left, last Wednesday, for Thanksgiving; literally right before, I tripped getting out of the shower, fell against the toilet and snapped the plastic posts that hold the plastic lid to the porcelain bowl.
Tarzan and I got back late Saturday night and Sunday being a busy day unto itself, we are still functioning with a broken toilet.
On top of that, while ATL, Tarzan and I were eating dinner last night we heard a rather muted, thump and swoosh, dashed into ATL's room and noticed that the hanging rod in her closet was at a very unhelpful angle. Apparently the plastic bracket the rod sits in decided 10 years was enough and it was checking out.
So now we have to replace that as well.
Not a big deal in either case, just a mighty inconvenience.

This is me and aren't these things supposed to happen when it's warm and light out?

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Weird Dream #44

I woke up abruptly and with a start this morning and I would swear I dreamed this dream before. (I never dream the same dream twice)
It was long and involved - aren't they always?
There was a project I was working on, with a team, and we were intent on completing it on time. But we came to a point where there was nothing further we could do and we were stuck. Then we realized that if we had started it a different way we could achieve the result faster and better. So we rewound all the work - and the dream - and started again, but given the time restraint we had to work faster and the dream sped up along with us until we were rushing around and flipping through scenes like a movie and then all of a sudden, I woke up, panting and unsure of where I was and when it was and if I had dreamed this dream before - if it was a dream - and if the last few years had been a dream and I would find myself still working at an architecture office and late for getting up.

This is me and I had to check the date on my phone to be sure it was the day and year I thought/hoped it was.

From Whence You Cometh