Friday, April 30, 2010

Anyone, Anyone?

Raise your hand if, while emptying the dishwasher this morning, you dropped a knife, point down of course, on your foot and then freaked out more about the blood getting on your pants leg than about it oozing out of your body?
No one? Oooh, pick me, pick me!
Tarzan is going to be so pissed.

This is me and I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been there.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Brought To You By The Number Seven

This season of Dancing With The Stars seems to be running faster than any of the others - I wonder if it has to do with there not being an insane number of couples to manage? Or maybe because I am only commenting once a week? Either way, seven couples is a very manageable number. The down side is that I like everyone left so it's very hard to vote and the results will be sad.
Jake's samba was a very good effort. He was having fun - chest flex anyone? - and it looked like he was trying very hard to dance it full out. He needs to stop tripping over things but otherwise, it didn't stink.
Evan's samba, on the other hand, was smokin'. He has such long legs and arms that at times it looked almost like he was flailing but not. He could probably have pulled it in and be a little more compact but I liked it. And they had really good music.
Niecy's Argentine tango was amusing but her feet weren't as sharp and didn't snap like they are supposed to for the dance. It was cute though and I was highly entertained when Louis inhaled his cookie crumbs.
Erin's samba was hilarious for so many reasons and not all were intended I am sure. Her dress was weird, the ripping off of Maks' shirt was funny, the song was really good, the only thing I would suggest is she could dance with her feet a little closer together.
Chad's Argentine tango was really good, except it didn't showcase much of Chad. It's a dance all about the girl and the guy is the strong frame. So Cheryl did all the fancy stuff and he held her up.
Nicole's samba had great energy at the start - she busted into that dance like she was on fire and that outfit was nasty, like a shredded plastic bag - but she slowed down in the middle, it was like she forgot something. And I have to agree with Len on the finale sequence, it looked weird.
Pamela's Argentine tango was interesting. She embodied the dance, it was hot and sharp and intense, but her feet were weak. And that last lift was scary.
The swing - marathon, if three minutes can really be considered a marathon - was interesting. Makes me wonder where they get the budget for the costumes these people wear. I thought it was unfair to eliminate Jake & Chelsie first, they were doing well I thought, not just lifts but actual swing steps. Pamela & Damian were doing the same move over and over, and I thought it a bit of a cheat.
The results show this week was one of my favorites.
Despite her questionable wardrobe choice, I enjoyed Melissa Etheridge's musical performances. Plus it's always fun to watch the professionals dance full out. And the SportScience segment was awesome.
I was going to say that it was sad to see Jake and Chelsie go home but then he started crying and thanking the Academy. Dude, seriously. Be a man.

This is me and that's the week of dancing.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Jet Plane Theatrics

Holy are you kidding me Batman?!
Four years it took us to build up 80,000 SkyMiles, FOUR YEARS, and in one fell swoop, and we weren't even buying a first class ticket, they're all gone. What kind of a game are the airlines playing? And how mean is it that they didn't tell me until after I had entered all our information, picked both the outbound and return trip flights, entered the credit card information that HA HA we're taking all your miles? Up until that point they had only declared how much it would be for ONE of us to fly.
I know, free miles, free tickets - well except for the taxes and fees and luggage and all that not free stuff. But they could have at least mentioned that the total miles redeemed was for only the one ticket so it wouldn't have been such a shock when I get to the Redeem ALL Your Miles page.
Stupid heads.

This is me and that was more than I expected it to cost.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Rare Footage

Sssh, be very quiet, we are lucky today and have found the very rare and elusive animal in his natural habitat. I give you the adult, male, Tarzan, in the Jungle:
He is not doing whatever you think he's doing - I know what you were thinking, I thought it too the first time - he is reading to the book club which meets in his library every Tuesday at lunch.
This is me and I am glad to share this with you.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Does The Sun Come Up That Early Around Here?

When was the last time I had to get up at 5:00am you ask?
When I was seventeen is the answer. Tomorrow and Friday should be interesting.
I am so out of practice.

This is me and yes, I am teaching early morning seminary for the next two days.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Bare Necessities

Last night was Movie Night on Dancing With The Stars. I'm not sure about the music selection but when am I ever? Stupid producers who have no idea what a good dance song is. Here's a brief recap for those who might care.
Niecy's jive was musically good and she is fun but her knees weren't high enough and her arms were limp.
Chad's quickstep was amusing - they all were amusing since I know the songs and was interested in how they were going to interpret each number - but his posture stinks.
Erin's jive was fun and fast and she and Maks are hilarious. Well done.
Jake's cha-cha was scary at first. I thought he was going to dance the whole thing in his underwear. Thankfully he did not. They let out a lot of secrets about costuming though, if people didn't know. Then there was a whole awkward moment in the middle where it felt like something was missing.
Pamela's quickstep - is 9 to 5 really a quickstep? - was not as quick as one might have expected. The bit up and over the chair was amusing and I loved her dress but I knew the opening was going to give them flak from Len.
Kate's foxtrot was not a real dance. She walks through every move and she still makes me want to slap her. And Tony is the nicest man alive. Truly, to put up with that each and every week, he's a saint.
Nicole's tango was very good considering. The producers must be smoking crack to think that Pretty Woman is a tango. It wasn't dramatic enough, or slow enough. Odd music choice but they did a great job. It was sharp and hit the music spots.
Evan's rumba did not make me love it. He was technically good - could have used more hips. His legs are ridiculously long and he's very sharp but again, the song was not appropriate. Too fast for a slow, romantic dance.
The results went down like this:
Nothing too fantastic in the musical guests, I thought the Macy's Stars of Dance routine was too short and I could watch Tony, Derek, Damian and Dimitry dance all night long. That was yummy.
In other news, THANK YOU, it is about time to send Kate home. Give her credit for guts or not the woman couldn't dance and from the clips they showed she had no desire to learn. She was on for far too long.

This is me and now I will have no one to bag on because I like all the contestants that are left.

Monday, April 19, 2010

It's Empanada Time

For the first time in my ENTIRE life I did not have any leftovers when making a filled dough entity. It's a miracle of limited proportions.
I kid you not. This is a moment worth savoring. Always, ALWAYS I have a scoop or two of cheese and spinach ravioli filling or a half cup of pie filling or, in one case, an entire bowl of egg roll insides left over.
I don't know how or why but I'm not going to question it.
P.S. What is the deal with the whole egg wash concept? How much egg goop am I supposed to spread on these edges when filling and sealing dough pockets? I mention this because the recipe called for two eggs, I used only one, and still had to throw most of it away.
Nothing came undone but apparently I don't spread the egg thick enough.

This is me and it was empanada night in The Jungle.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Happy 35th Tarzan


This is me, and it's his birthday.

Friday, April 16, 2010

What's In A Dress?

As you may or may not know, Tarzan's brother, Phatfiddle, is marrying his adorable Liezel in June and as they are not eloping, we are invited.
The colors the lovely couple has selected are, and I quote "light blue/sky blue...muted salmon, and butter yellow. I was hoping that people in the wedding party would all wear light blue. The wedding bouquet, corsages, and boutonnieres would be with salmon and yellow flowers."
Sky blue is not a color I wear most of the time so the good news was that I got to go shopping. The down side is that dress shopping is a time consuming activity and Tarzan is not a shopping kind of man. ATL was busy with finals, end of the quarter, registering for her last one, end of school entirely, graduation, roommate issues, work, etc. so she was not available. This left me bereft of a shopping buddy - and one has to have a shopping buddy, it's the law.
I am fortunately related to Rocketgirl and she is the queen of Internet shopping deals. While perusing a site or seventy she came across a dress she thought would do well for me and sent me the link. Since I have a definite problem with the concept of only one - go ahead ask anyone - I found another dress on the same site and when I couldn't decide, Tarzan, happy to not be forced to shop said get both and see which one I liked better.
So I did.
And they came today.
I have two choices and one big problem. I need your help peeps.
Option 1 is the totally blue dress:
It's SO comfortable and light. I really like it, but is it not formal enough for a wedding?
This is the same dress on a model if you want to know what it should look like:
Option 2 is this multi color print dress:
I also love it but is it too busy? Remember the flowers will be salmon and yellow. Will I just become one gigantic corsage?
On the model:
Those are my two choices. What's your opinion? Should I send both of these back and keep looking?
(As a side note, WHAT is up with my shoulders? And why didn't I become a linebacker for the Raiders? I could have made millons.)
Now for the big problem: Shoes. What do I want? I love the silver ones on the model but what are the chances I am going to find a pair like that, in my size AND have them be comfortable? Unlikely. Should I get pink ones I will never wear again? Try for a beige/brown match, or blue? Yellow? So many choices. Should I decide on a dress first?

This is me and what do you think?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Is anyone else watching LIFE on the Discovery channel?
Holy smokes does that camera crew deserve an Oscar or something.
It's an eleven part series about life on this planet, different species of animals and what adaptations they have developed to survive. It's not too over the top in narration - no pushing to "save the planet," or cease our use of fossil fuels - but it does mention man's touch. It's a close up, detailed look at some of the most interesting animals on earth. Even the bug one - and I do not like bugs AT ALL - was fascinating. The one fly that extends it's own eyes way out to compete with other males?
There's a section on fish, one on mammals, one of insects, one about birds, there are a few that mix it up. And at the end of each episode is a blurb about what it took for the camera crew to get the angles, the shot, how long it took for the animals to cooperate for the piece. It took them three years to film what was edited down to the eleven hours we get to see.
I am perhaps overly impressed but it's just insane to watch. Highly recommend it:

This is me, and that's some awesome television right there.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

We're Not Gonna Take It

Inconceivable. And yes I do know what that word means. Again with the saving of the really bad, annoying chick. And letting the young, hot, stud dancing with Edyta go home. Where is the logic?
If women vote why do the lousy women contestants stay? I sure vote for the hot studly things.
On the up side, the fake movie promos were super funny and I am excited for the movie themed dances next week.

This is me and DWTS should only let smart people vote.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Wait A Minute

You know, the rumba does not have to be disgusting. Just because it's a slow, controlled, and mostly romantic dance does not mean it's raunchy. Who decided that?
Jonathan was dancing with the wrong Anna, did anyone else notice that? But I, again, appreciated the professionals dancing what it SHOULD look like so it's easier to compare.
Erin's tango could have been sharper, it felt like she was a little bit nervous. Maybe she was worrying about her feet too much and not getting into the character.
Evan's tango had weird lighting but I did love Anna's dress. I also liked that there was so much content - it really was a tango - and not just a lot of showy stuff.
Niecy's rumba was very touching. She does not have the technique, especially her feet, but she does have the emotional involvement to each and every dance. It's an interesting contradiction.
Aiden's rumba was an improvement from his dances previously I thought. He pooped out a little at the end, maybe he remembered what he was doing and got nervous. I was a little distracted by Edyta's dress. Who designs her outfits? And how do they stay on?
Nicole had the same deal with her I-can't-really-call-it-a-dress. Her rumba was elegantly danced but she needs to move her hips more and I think her arms are supposed to be straighter at times.
Jake's tango was interesting. I liked his passion for it but he was too happy for a tango. It was both sad and amusing when he slipped on the heel lead and nearly fell. Sad because he almost fell, but amusing because the slip was during a heel lead and the judges are always harping on heel leads.
And WHO keeps voting for Kate Gosslin? Because I am not. Her tango was not that good. The best part was when Tony flipped her at the end. And nearly all of that was Tony. That man is sure earning whatever money he gets for this show.
Chad's rumba was amusing in a lot of ways. He needs to keep his head up when he dances - I don't know if it's because Cheryl is so much shorter than he is or what - and finish his movements. Also the feathers on the floor were funny.
Pamela's rumba was hot but she didn't do a lot of dancing. I felt that Damian danced around her a lot. And she was also wearing a sheet, which was weird but apparently normal for the rumba.

This is me and that's the dances for this week.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Census 2010

There has been a lot of advertising for the Census lately, and I am puzzled on both sides of the discussion.
First to the masses: Is it really that big a deal to fill out our names and ages and mail the thing back? People crying about the invasion of privacy and the inconvenience and how they don't want to aid the corrupt government. It's a prepaid envelope and we tell more about ourselves on Facebook daily. What's all the fuss about?
Second to the advertisers: Do you really think that we believe our communities will change if we fill out the Census? Let me tell you that the South Central Jungle is not going to get more buses, better hospitals or anything else just because we fill out the Census so why is that the main explanation on the commercials?
Also, the method of delivery is slightly flawed. If it's such a big deal, spend less money on ads and more money on people - who could benefit from the job - collecting forms. People could work their own neighborhoods and it would be more of a community effort and less of another piece of paper the government wants us to fill out.
Thirdly to whoever decided that this was a good time to start the Census: It's TAX TIME people! Who is going to be inclined to send more paper to the government when the IRS is already taking money and requiring a lot of forms to be filled out and signed?
I ask you. Who?

This is me and we filled out our form but we don't buy the hype.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Breath Of Clean Air

It's not that I don't shower on a regular basis - because I do - but today I realized exactly how good it feels to be clean.
I haven't been feeling good that last few days so I've bummed around the house a little bit. Today though, I was feeling better so I got up, showered, put on clean clothes, remade the bed with fresh sheets and pillowcases and I realized that I felt really good.
Better than I had felt in a while.
Some of it must be because I don't feel lousy physically, but the sheer cleanliness factor was a huge deal mentally. I felt lighter, more awake, ready to work. I even opened some windows, washed a few dishes, did the laundry. It was awesome.
Aren't you glad when I share?

This is me and showering is excellent.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Season Ten-tion

I love Tom Bergeron. The oddly large headed, wears shorts in rehearsal, quick with the quip, Tom Bergeron. There is a host who deserves some sort of award. I really hope he doesn't decide to leave the show.
Reba was a good guest to have, though I thought it odd both songs were off her newest album. Usually they perform one from the new and a classic from the past.
Chelsey and Derek's acoustic paso doble was interesting. I am thinking it would be harder to dance with less music than with a full orchestra. And Mark played a mean guitar.
UN - believable!! I can NOT believe they saved Kate again. That woman bugs me so much and she CAN NOT DANCE. Why does America vote for a person who can not dance on a dancing competition?! It's not like singing where a people can have opinions on different styles or preferences. In dance, if you don't move your feet, then you're not dancing. And she wasn't even in the bottom two. People stink.

This is me, so annoyed with American voters tonight.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Anything Goes

Can you believe they sent Shannen home from DWTS last week when there were so many other options? I was amazed and disgruntled. The stupid viewers chose her over Buzz who is sweet and a legend but can't dance and more to the point, over KATE who is mean and snarky and bitter and whiny and also CAN'T DANCE. Didn't even try to dance her routine. Shannen improved from her first week performance. Whatever her personal life she was getting better as a dancer, on a show called DANCING With The Stars. Uneducated masses should not get to vote. People need to put aside the tabloid magazines and judge only on the dancing. Annoying.
But it's done and it's a new week and so here we go.
Because two different dances in a night is not enough the producers have three tonight. I did appreciate the professionals demonstrating what the dances should look like.
Evan's quickstep was quick, which is the first thing, he needs to keep his knees together for the side to side thingys - I'm so technical - but it was fun, controlled and hopefully the viewers aren't retarded.
Buzz's waltz was touching and the story was very much there - war veteran coming home, daughter to greet him - but he's just old and he isn't a dancer.
Does anyone else want to vomit when Jake starts his "my feelings hurt" whining? Man up buddy. It's a good thing he dances fairly well because the attitude is irritating. His quickstep was not too bad, not as sharp as it could have been and he seemed hesitant in his footwork but fun.
Niecy's waltz was soft and lovely. I didn't see the controversy that was supposed to be going on, she tripped once or twice and I think Louis just outed himself, but I liked it anyway.
Chad's paso doble was not as powerful as I would think he could be. Put the foot down like you mean it. Boom! His arms were good and his feet were much better.
Pamela's paso doble was interesting. I think she may have missed a step at the beginning and didn't get it back. She tripped on the slide but the emotion was palpable and her lines were good and she didn't let nerves get to her.
Aiden was certainly trying hard in his quickstep. His knees were bent nearly always and that didn't look right. I don't know if it was the quickstep in general or just his but they seemed to skip around and then stop and do a move. Little bit awkward.
I didn't get the ripping off of the blindfold at the end of her waltz but the amusing part was Erin was a perfect dancer with it on. Her feet were awesome.
I have to give Kate credit for actually doing all the steps this time instead of giving up. She wasn't consistent enough. I only saw the anger when she tried to hit Tony and then she was weak and just walking, not dancing.
Nicole's quickstep was fast and fun but it didn't seem very quickstep-y. It was more of a jive or a jitterbug in style and performance but there wasn't a lot of dancing.
As far as Brook's hosting is going, she is asking better questions in the interviews but she needs to learn to get out of it faster - she keeps cutting people off. And I think she's nervous about it. She's been a host before yeah?

This is me and that's the night's dancing.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Quote Of The Day

"What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is me, and that's good.

From Whence You Cometh