Vacation - Part I

Inhale...exhale...inhale...and she's back! Whew. That was a December I never want to relive in many ways.
First MQ's death, which really eclipsed most of the rest of the month. I tried to help all the families any way I could despite my being in The Rockies for only a little while. I felt useless most of the time frankly, which is not something I am used to feeling. It was weird. Not knowing what to do or having anything TO do. It was tough to leave though and it's been harder being here than there with nothing to do. I know Tarzan is having some rough days, not being there for his brother. It's harder to hug people from 600 miles away. The up side is QC IS healing - little by little. Naturally there are good and bad days. When we visited, I thought he was rushing the five stages of grief, trying to force the acceptance so it wouldn't hurt anymore. I forgot that the steps don't come in any order and we don't feel only one at a time. He is slowly getting better. He has his son and both sets of parents. They help each other. I am so, so, so thankful for the knowledge I have that this life is not all there is. Not to say it doesn't suck still. I have had a few comments from people who know we are LDS who say "at least they will be together forever" as if we shouldn't be sad or something. Believing in an afterlife and eternal relationships does not make the grief less, or easier to bear, it only lessens the bitterness and despair I know others feel when someone they love dies. They will be together again, we will all see her again, and we know where she is now, but she's still NOT HERE and it still bites. QC is not the only one I am concerned about right now though. I worry about Rocketgirl. She's seems stuck in the anger/depression phase and I don't know what to say to her. I can't fix the situation obviously and most words sound trite and after-school-special-y. It's tough.
Thank you everyone for all your comments and emails and prayers.
As for the rest of December: my plane from The Rockies landed in The Jungle just in time to meet my sister, BHB, coming in from up north - I even got to meet her at the gate which is rare these days. We rushed to gather all things promised for the church Christmas party (drinks, ice, bread, trinkets for Santa to hand out to the kids) and deliver them. We were a little late but it worked out okay. We then stayed up late preparing the picture frames for the next day so the kids could make a present for their parents. Thankfully my sister, ATL, who lives with Tarzan and I, had done A LOT of prep stuff while we were out of town. After church we were supposed to take BHB out to my parents' house but just as we were leaving for The Desert my sister M2, called to say she and PIT and Squishy were coming in from The Other Side Of The World the next day, could we not tell Mom and Dad and could we fetch them from the airport? Well, we surely could but we had to come up with a reason to not go out that Sunday without tipping off Mom and Dad. I am not ashamed to say we fudged the truth just a teeeeny bit...but it was totally worth it when I saw my mom's face the next night when we dropped them off.
I had to leave work early that day to make the airport and then The Desert, and then I had to leave work early the next day to pick Tarzan up from the airport. Let me tell you, it was good to have him back. And the office seemed to deal just fine without me. At one time that might have made me insecure or snippy, but now it's just a comfort and relief that I won't be leaving the office in the lurch. And on that note: you may have noticed, my turtle friend has moved beyond Liberation and I am not celebrating. It seems as though I will be remaining at the office for another few weeks. February 7th is the official day (and it will likely be the 8th because that's the end of the week.) So I am adding a revised turtle. Just so we can keep it all straight. Not sure why, the office seemed to manage just fine without me. One of the guys said he thought I'd just not come back after the funeral - "life's too short for this crap" and all that. I considered it. Considered it very seriously. But I hate to leave a task half done, so I am back in the office to wind things up before the real end.
It was also good to have Tarzan back because I got really sick. We had been running around like crazy people, with work and rehearsing for the Christmas program and holiday parties and presents and shopping and shipping and driving people places. It was busy. The Thursday before Christmas I felt a little scratchiness in my throat which was bad enough because I was singing that Sunday in a small group. Friday was the office holiday party and my nose had joined the stuffy ranks. Saturday was more shopping and I was aching everywhere. Sunday was the program and it went well if I do say so myself, although one might not trust my judgement seeing as I had a fever of 102 that day. After church we took M2, PIT and Squishy to the airport and then I went home to bed. I was a little better Christmas Eve. Enough so that Tarzan figured we could drive out to my parents after all - he was going to try and keep me home - no way, it was Christmas! Of course, I spent Christmas all kinds of hoarse and coughy and sneezey and loopy. We had planned to stay for a few days but I was not well, so we came home the day after Christmas and I slept for that day and the next three days. Pretty much all day. So no cleaning or arranging for when RHM came to town. I was feeling much better by the 30th, but still sleeping 12-16 hours a day. New Year's Eve was a small quiet affair for which I was glad - not a lot of energy to host bunches of people. The first day of 2008 I considered writing something here - it had been a while - but after the football games (go USC!) - and dinner (thank you RHM) - I was exhausted.
It was almost a relief to come to work today because it meant a return to normalcy. RHM went home this morning and ATL and BHB will be back from my parents shortly and soon I can go home to bed again.

This is me, tired but back.