Time To Get Serious

It's so weird how one day we can be literally dying of heat exhaustion and the next day need blankets and slippers because it's - not cold - but not hot anymore. The very next day. Weird. I blame global warming.

Sad to say, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Well I don't know if it's sad to say or not, but it's true. And sometimes it's annoying. It comes from being a diabetic I suspect. I don't post very often about being a diabetic for a number of reasons - the first being I have Type I diabetes which is TOTALLY different from having Type II. Most people do not know, or care, about the difference so I get a lot of well meaning suggestions like - "there's a new pill out that cures diabetes"..."fish oil cures diabetes"..."acupuncture cured my [insert mother, grandmother, second cousin twice removed who lives in Uzbekistan] with diabetes, you should try it"...Well maybe, but not really. What those things might do is control and remove the factors that cause non-insulin dependant diabetes where the lifestyle of the patient keeps their pancreas from working correctly or completely. My pancreas is kaput. It has been kaput since I was 5 years old, before I HAD a lifestyle. My immune system decided that my pancreas was bad news and took it out before it tried to subjugate the entire body. (Thank you OH so much immune system! Nothing like an overactive imagination in an immune system to do you in.) So. Nothing you suggest to me will "cure" it. Another reason I don't talk/post about it a lot is because when people know they look at me differently. And not in a good way. Everything I eat is questioned. "Are you allowed to eat that?" "Are you eating [that] because you're in insulin shock?" "[randomly related persons] can't have "x" so why are you eating it?" My moods are subjected to scrutiny. If I'm grouchy it's because my "sugars" are too low, or too high. If I'm happy it's the same. Everything is because I am diabetic, and while on some level this is true, it's also not. I am more than the disease. I can be grouchy because the office sucked or because I'm tired or because nosey people won't let me alone! What also bugs me are the horror stories of the [randomly related person] who lost a finger, toe, foot, leg, kidney, eye, hand, whatever to diabetes and is that why I wear glasses? What do I say to that? I'm sorry, that's tough, now go away? I don't say that, but I think it. Sure, amputation is a possibility but these people they tell me about are usually 70+ years of age (often Type II which we already discussed), back when insulin was made from cows and pigs, if they even HAD insulin. (Discovered in 1921-22, in Canada interestingly enough.) Medical technology has come a long way since 1922. In fact there is a serious chance for a cure being worked on with islet cells being coated and transplanted. It's fascinating stuff. In the meantime however I am seeing my doctor(s) regularly, I am doing everything they suggest, I am at peace with it and I can't give it to you. So leave me the freak alone about it! No really, what I do is try to be understanding and try to not yell and I don't tell a lot of people.
Why am I breaking the silence now you ask? Interesting question. I don't really know except that lately I have noticed my susceptibility to blogs and that prompted today's opening statement about being a hypochondriac. Which started the explanation of why I might be one. Part of it is that I am a diabetic and we are at risk for EVERYthing. Seriously. Heart disease, kidney disease, gum disease, stroke, foot problems, eye problems, depression, colds, hangnails - I'm more likely to have any of those than Tarzan is. And it's extra more bad for me if I do. So this makes me more paranoid about things. When my foot falls asleep after my sitting on it for an hour at the office I wonder "is this the start of foot problems." This tooth thing has been driving me crazy on multiple levels because of the gum disease issue. And Tarzan, bless his heart, totally freaked me out the other night. An eyelash dropped into my eye when we were watching TV and it hurt so I jumped and had to work it out. He asked if sugar was building up in my eye that would lead to eventual blindness. Um. What am I supposed to do with that honey? First, why would he think of that as the first reason my eye hurt? And then why mention that to me - knowing that could be a real consequence someday? And thirdly, does he not remember that I just went to the opthamologist who said that my eyes "were great. Nothing to worry about?" Give me one more thing to freak out over, okay?!
Anyway, so I am a bit paranoid about things to begin with. Lately, my interest in blogs has led me into some interesting places and subjects. If the person writes compellingly I will read it, no matter the subject. Dooce, I don't always agree with, most often I don't, but she's SO funny. Julie is very practical, which I like, and I read three or four blogs at Redbook. As I started to read and become 'involved' in these lives I started to wonder and then perceive their experiences onto myself. Suddenly I wonder if I'm infertile? What kind of treatment will we need? How far will we go to have kids? Will I have multiple babies? Preclampsia, breach, a C-section? What will we do about selective reduction? What will we name the kids? Stuff I totally don't need to worry about right now. No reason to think any of it will happen to us, no history of it.
I found Snickollet recently and now I'm all about the cancer, wondering if I have it? Does Tarzan? Will we get it? Are we at risk? What is that bump? A pimple or skin cancer? Was that mole here or over there yesterday? Is that my cold hanging on still or should I have it checked out? What if it's pneumonia?
I hadn't noticed how susceptible I am to the power of suggestion. I should probably never be hypnotized.
My, that was a long winded way of saying I'm a freak.

This is me, a little too blog-centric.