DWTS: Season 9

If you can believe it, the studio executives decided that another, LARGER, more retarded season was in order for the only reality TV show I will watch. So tonight kicks off Season 9 of Dancing With The Stars that has no less than sixteen - 16! - couples dancing. I know, it's a much more popular show now and more B, C and D-list stars want to be on it but I would like to see it scaled down a tad - just a scootch - to a more manageable number. Like say, only ten couples. This 'opening night' actually takes three nights of TV because it's that insane.
In no particular order, here are my first night impressions of the men of Season 9.
But before we go there, can I just say that the hottest men on television are the professional dancers on this show? I am SO very excited that Louis van Amstel is back to dance with a partner and Alec Mazo is as gorgeous as ever. And Maksim Chmerkovskiy is still hot. That opening number made me quiver all over.
Now to the 'stars.'
Aaron Carter has a lot of attitude. It's understandable because he was famous so young, and he is still young but his cha-cha looked good on the floor. His hips weren't moving as much as they should have, and his free arm needs control but he doesn't suck right now.
Chuck Liddell is definitely a fighter not a dancer yet. The foxtrot is a smooth, classy dance and he was rough with it. The judges all try to be positive on the first night so...we'll see.
Mark Dacascos just cracks me up. I am so used to seeing him on Iron Chef it's weird that he's a person outside of that. And he talks! Which is weird! I am kind of annoyed that he has to dance with Lacey though because I don't like her. His cha-cha was not bad, he needs to work on his upper body - spaghetti arms all OVER the place - and lacked some control in other places but the hips were good and there's room to improve.
Ashley Hamilton needs to learn to heel lead. His upper body was stiff, which is good in the foxtrot, but his feet were not my favorite part. Actually my favorite part is his partner, Edyta. Her dress was gorgeous.
Donny Osmond is a performer already, we knew that. He wasn't bad and the audience is, of course, going to love him. His posture fell apart, especially near the end, and there was some bobbing of the head but he's not stinky. I may like him better than Marie.
Louie Veto sure dresses like a snowboarder in the practice room. Aaaand he needs a haircut. The man is small and his hair makes it look like he has no neck. Especially with the collar on this suit for the foxtrot . But he tried really hard and that's something.
Michael Irvin wants to win, that's obvious, and he wasn't bad. There *was* something off somewhere in that cha-cha though. Maybe the timing? Maybe he missed a step somewhere? Whoever writes what passes for content in this show, you know they are going to play up the rivalry with Jerry Rice all over this competition.
Tom Delay is not someone I ever expected to see on this show. Politicians and dancing is just not a duo I think of. That cha-cha was possibly the kindest, calmest, "wild thing" performance I have ever seen. I have to go with Carrie-Ann. That was surreal. But if Cheryl was going to make the three-pete, her chance is not this season.
Next up is a group dance already? Weird, but oddly helpful I think.
The salsa group was better than I had expected them to be. Ashley was slow and lacking in the hip department but Chuck was much improved from his foxtrot. Donny was a bit slow but his feet were right. Louie less uncomfortable than previously, but his feet did not move much. But then, it being a song sharing thing, no one had a lot of time to show anything.
And that explains how they are going to get eight more scores in with only 20 minutes left.
Then there was the waltz group (we are not calling it a Viennese Waltz, no matter what the show insists on saying) Aaron was amusing, smooth and strong but there was no doubt where his spot was. Mark - I really want to call him The Chairman - was not as strong as I wanted him to be and they messed up some footwork. Tom was what the dance required, which was smooth and charming and elegant, so that was good. Michael was good too, not too eager and it came out well. Nice night. I will be back tomorrow to give you my two cents about the women.

This is me, not lacking for material this fall.