Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Trials and Tribulations

Tarzan here. My school library is on the third floor of my school and usually that is a very good thing. Gravity combined with the abysmal state of physical fitness of today's youth prevent most of my school's thugs from causing trouble up here in my little piece of heaven. On the other hand my location makes it a challenge to keep the library open to students at lunch. The students eat their food on the way up and often leave a trail of trash on their way to the third floor that my school administration naturally objects to. Last month the school cafeteria served blueberries and there was an indelible purple trail all the way up to my door.
Lately I have a charming group of individuals who are applying condiments (mayonnaise, taco sauce, ketchup etc.) to the handrails of the stairs on the way to the library. Naturally this situation has hilarious effects on unsuspecting library patrons and adds a delightful baby poop brown color to the already dingy walls of the hallways. As you can expect I am none too pleased about the situation, but the cannot find the words to properly describe my reaction to the situation. So I will borrow some of the priceless dialog from the immortal Eddie Murphy as seen in the classic 80's film, The Golden Child.

"If that bum didn't take my hundred dollas we coulda got a boat with a motor."

Shut up and paddle."

"Yeah, I'll paddle. I'll paddle his butt when I find him. I'll paddle your butt when I find you!! I'll use this row. I'll row yo' butt!! 'Til it bleed!!!"

"You got to show up sooner or later! And when you do, your butt is kicked! I'm gonna sell your clothes, leave you naked and bleedin', with no money, in Kathmandu, ya hear me!"

Amen Mr. Murphy! So on that note this Tarzan of the Urban Jungle fighting the good fight and signing off. Goodbye and Good Luck!


Rocketgirl said...

That you can look at that situation and fire back with a witty quote is admirable. When I was teaching, all I could do was scream at the top of my lungs.

It proved less than effective. You da man, Tarzan.

Phat Fiddle said...

I second the motion, thou art the man!

RHM said...

See, in the 'burbs we don't worry about our kids leaving a mess. We threaten their mess with a rattle snake, a garter snake, and a few mice who are not afraid to jump out of dark corners at the last possible moment. I don't envy you. But maybe you'll get students who will respect the hall to the library one day.

From Whence You Cometh