Wednesday, November 26, 2014

I Am Thankful For Cheeta

It finally hit me today - like a brick to the face - that I am someone's mother.
Not just someone's but this kid's mother:
I was standing by his bed this afternoon, getting ready to lay him down and his face quirked into a smile. (I know, it's not legit because he can't control his face yet but it was the right direction.) And then he did it again. Made me cry and you all know how often I cry. (Try zero times. I am was not an emotional type of person. That has changed too it seems.)
It was almost a laugh the second time and I thought of the trust that he has in me, the way he calms when I pick him up, how he listens to my voice when I talk or coo or cuddle him.
It's both terrifying and empowering at the same time.
Inadequacies abound - boy howdy - but this is something I have always wanted, a position I have sought out and thought denied me and I want to do well at it.
I have such plans and goals and desires for him. I have methods for helping him succeed.
(Of course Tarzan will be there too, to help and support and guide etc., but it's mostly my "job" to nurture and I can be good at it.)
I am so very thankful for Heavenly Father's trust in me to allow me this opportunity to raise a son, teach him the gospel, how to choose right from wrong, how to live in the world, how to be a good example to others.
We're going to teach him to read, to share, to play well with others, to participate, to be humble, to grow his talents, to do so many things.
I'm excited and nervous and capable and deficient and all of it at once.

This is me, a mother.


Master P said...

1. HOLYSNAP I can't turn the tears off! I'm crying from reading this, I cry because I can't find my shoe, I cry ALL THE TIME, and even though I was a crier before babies, those kids turned a switch and there is noooo controlling the tears.
2. I love your list - I should study it to remind me of what the heck I'm supposed to be doing :)
3. I love seeing him in Forster's and Conrad's old jammies!!!

Miss D said...

I was definitely an emotional person before Monkey Bug, but holy cow I did not anticipate how much the water works would come with the whole being a mother thing. Nor did I anticipate how much my view on EVERYTHING would change. I guess I anticipated it, but I couldn't comprehend it at all. And props to you for making such a cute human!!

From Whence You Cometh