And That's Why I'm Asking You

Have you ever said "I am SO late," and had a smart aleck friend/spouse/acquaintance respond with, "how late ARE you?" Or commented on the weather with "it is SO cold," and been asked to elaborate with "how cold IS it?"
Well I have a better one; I was SO embarrassed.
Imagine, if you will, my calling Tarzan on his cell phone, all teasing and stuff "did we not have [insert marital relations euphemism here] last night?" and having him say "um, Jane, you're on speaker phone, so say hello to [young teenager in the car]"
Then imagine my face going seventeen shades of red - despite the fact no one could see me - while trying to recover without sounding like a complete and utter moron.
Fail.

This is me, and whoever comes up with the best answer to the "how embarrassed WERE you?" question will receive a dozen cookies of your favorite variety via me.

Busted

Totally random email from a friend today made me laugh out loud:

This is me and that chicken is in trouble.

What Are Yours?

You know how when you turn on the television all the movies have started already? Usually that bugs me - I hate to miss any part of the movie. If we come during the previews I consider myself late - and I will spend an inordinate amount of time searching for the next showing of the same movie so I can not miss the opening credits. Tarzan thinks I'm insane.
But I have discovered there are a few films where it does not matter when I come in. In fact, no matter how many minutes are left, I will always watch the following list of films, even though I own some of them and even if I just saw it yesterday. In no particular order:
1. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
2. Miss Congeniality
3. Legally Blonde
4. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
5. The Italian Job
6. The Lake House

This is me and what are your no matter when movies?

How Sad Is It?

How sad is it that the biggest thing I missed while at my parents for the last two days was the energy pack from Mafia Wars?

This is me and I have got to get a life.

So Very Bizarre

We are back, it was hot, everyone was good and pictures are forthcoming.
Tonight we had dinner with Tarzan's uncle and aunt-in-law and some of their friends. I think I met the family my family would have been if circumstances had been different while I was growing up.

This is me and it was a Twilight Zone moment.

Out

We're gonna be out in The Desert for the next two days - and alas there is no Internet out there - so don't fret.

This is me and we're incommunicado for a while.

In This We Are Alike

My mother-in-law forwards us a lot of emails, some funny, some weird, some intriguing, at some I roll my eyes and some make me scream. This one though, I really like a lot. The presentation is not emotional, it's objective and it lays out the facts. The logical, rational facts. I appreciate an argument like that. It's rare; a logical argument.
And though I don't know if I want a gun I agree that people who do want them should be allowed to keep them.
To a point.
I don't know that anyone needs an AK-47 at their house, or a machine gun, but a lower caliber shotgun can be quite useful and not just for self defense. (I am looking at you possum in the backyard raking through the garbage every night.)
It comes down to one of my favorite phrases; moderation in all things.

This is me and I agree Smedley.

Male Bonding

I suppose, since the kitten can't drink a beer, this is the next best thing:

This is me and aren't they adorable?

Burn Baby Burn

I hate to use an overused phrase, but kids, it isn't rocket science. Why would you come to the beach, wanting to build a fire, and bring only lighter fluid and a cord of wood? Fuel good, even an ignitant - is that a word? It should be - is a good idea - we had some - but the starter is quite possibly the most important part of the bonfire.
Some people's kids.

This is me and it's good for them that we had some extra.

Letter To An Airline

I wrote this the day we flew back from seeing Tarzan's family but what with the weird dreams and the phone calls and visits to the doctor, dentist and vet - there is a sizable post coming about the kitten situation, be warned - I totally forgot I had even started it. I give you now a letter to the airline. If it sounds harsh, keep in mind I was tired from travelling and still had a lot of suitcases to unpack and laundry to do.

Dear Unnamed-Because-I-Don't-Want-To-Give-You-Free-Publicity Airline,
Two things.
Firstly, can you not talk to each other? Our plane was a few minutes late landing - and most of that was spent on the ground waiting for another behemoth hunk of metal to get out of the way - and you couldn't note that half of the passengers were waiting on other flights. Other flights that left while we were running from the make-shift, DIY shed of a terminal, across the tarmac and into the real building, only to see our connecting flight home pull away from the gate and THEN SIT ON THE RUNWAY FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE THEY WAIT FOR CLEARANCE TO TAKE OFF? Just so they could say they left on time. Seriously, SO annoying. We were an hour and half later getting home because no one can talk to anyone else in any other branch of any corporation ever. I have yet to meet a department that could.
Secondly, I really do not think that two bags of peanuts makes up for $25 in checked luggage fees. Unless the peanuts were gold. And they weren't.
But my mother told me to not give criticism without something positive as well, so here you go, a positive comment. I appreciate that the pilot told us take-off would be bumpy, so I didn't freak out when we had some turbulence, unlike other aircraft I have ridden in where the pilot said it would be clear skies and didn't announce anything when we dropped five feet in the air with no warning. I like to be prepared, so thanks for that.

This is me, a extremely disgruntled passenger who does not want to ever use your airline again but will have to because you are who we have our frequent flyer miles with.

Joke-Of-The-Day

The hottest cars travel faster than sound. You’ll be in the hospital before you even start the motor.

This is me and it's been a long day cleaning because someone's boy.friend is coming to visit and in this state my brain finds this joke funny.

Cleaning

The irony is, once you've finished cleaning the bathroom you really need to take a shower, or wash your face and hands at least, but you don't want to mess up the clean after all the work it to get everything there.

This is me and it's quite a dilemma.

Whooping Cough

Does anyone else's doctor keep pushing vaccinations on them? Last year I had to get my Rubella shot updated - the third one that I can remember - and then on Tuesday I got a DPTSSPTWX vaccination. Something about tetanus and whooping cough. Whooping cough, really? Am I likely to get whooping cough? I have never known anyone to get whooping cough. Ever.
It's almost like my doctor get a bonus for the number of shots he gives out, a twisted sort of sales commission. I think it's a good idea for children and babies to be vaccinated and I got all mine when I was young but what's the deal recently for me to get a whole bunch? I read a lot of blogs and I haven't heard anyone else complaining about red sore injection areas.

This is me and I am not amused.

Weird Dream #33 and #34

It's been a while since I posted about my dreams, not because I haven't been having them, but they have been fading quickly upon awakening and haven't been too cohesive. When and what I can remember, I try to figure out what in my waking mind caused the wacky dream. Sometimes it's easy and other's not so much.
First, last week at Tarzan's parent's house for the wedding, I had a really vivid dream where I was back in design school - which came from talking to Liezel about her plans for school - and I was married to Tarzan but he never appeared and didn't live in my basement apartment - which came, I suspect, because we were sleeping in the basement of Tarzan's parent's house. When I was in the studio my professor - my much older with grey hair professor - would come by and berate me for not working hard enough and making enough progress. Then one day he walked in while I was working, told me I should work harder, started to leave and then said "Or you could marry me." I was startled, but not ridiculously so, and told him I was already married. He then said, it was okay we could just make out, and that's what we did. First in the studio - no one else was ever there - then in my apartment. During one of these sessions a girl from my class walked by outside and threw a baseball glove at my window - that came from us finding two gloves while we were cleaning out the living room for the wedding. I have NO IDEA where the rest of that came from. I have never had a crush on a teacher - ESPECIALLY one from design school - or an employer. But in my dream, my professor was a really good kisser.
Then, last night, I dreamed I was in a large, really extraneous house, with doors, stairways, courtyards and rooms everywhere. And children, there were kids everywhere, all ages. I was helping out with cleaning and errands and whatever the lady of the house needed. It was all very Cinderella-like. Amongst other people living in the house was Neil Patrick Harris - likely because we have been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother recently - and he was pursuing me around the house. Again I was married though Tarzan never made an appearance and so I rebuffed him nicely since we had to work together. He was relentless, all over the house, no matter what I was working on, he was there and wanting to help, being chivalrous and sweet but obvious. I was weakening near the end, but then the 'family' came home and right before he left to look after the kids - that was his job - I threw my arms around his neck and said the kids were lucky to have him. We had to go back to work and then I woke up.

This is me and the insanity lives on in my brain.