Torn

There's a song from an old movie where Jimmy Durante sings
"Did you ever have a feeling that you wanted to go and still have the feeling that you wanted to stay...?"
That is the story of my life right now.
Friday mornings I wake up, knowing I'm going home, and I'm so happy and excited.
At the same time there's a knot in the pit of my stomach, worried and anxious about leaving my parents and the business behind. There is so much work to do with this delivery business thing and my mom is not quite 100% recovered from surgery. We're waiting on the part for the forklift still and since I made all the arrangements I kind of want to be there when it runs again. Plus there's getting LBO to school and I missed him taking the SAT because I was at home.
But I get to go home to Tarzan, sleep in my own bed with my own pillows, do my dishes with a dishwasher - I hate washing dishes by hand - see my kittens, hang with ATL, read my books, keep my clothes in my drawers and closet. Have a choice of shoes.
The reverse happens Sunday night when I have to pack and drive out to my parents' house again. Excited to be coming back to the business, be there as events unfold, instead of hearing about it over the phone where I can't help and be part of the solution. I want to see my siblings, help the family, play with the horses - who recognize me now - and see about making some money.
But there's that nauseous feeling when I leave my house, my husband, my kittens.
When I'm in each place, I am there, fully and doing what needs to be done, it's just the transitions that cause me stress.
On the up side, I might be losing weight because eating when I feel like this makes me sick.

This is me, wishing I could clone myself.