Update

Thank you friends and complete strangers for all your prayers and support. Tarzan and I really appreciate it. As does QC and Teaq. And MIL and FIL, QC's parents. Also D34 and BTM, MQ's parents. And B, S, J, R, P, R123, R12, B2, B3 and all of the family and friends of QC and MQ. Unfortunately duty called me back before the funeral but Tarzan described it as beautiful. Rocketgirl and PFidle violined gorgeously and the singing, poetry and flowers we all lovely. As expected, the heartbreaker was little Teaq, as he does not have the same understanding of eternal marriage and the afterlife as the grown ups do. So when they closed the coffin the poor baby cried, which made everyone else cry and etc., etc. Tarzan cried when he told me about it last night. QC is much stronger and walking - albeit slowly - and he will be okay. It sucks. It sucks so much, for all of us, but for him and Teaq especially.

This is me, back and going on.
(Lola, darling, I am so sorry that I didn't get to see you this time. I wish you much success with this semester of school. It always seems to suck hardest before it gets better.)

Awfully Numb

Nothing like some REALLY bad news to make you feel like a whiny baby for complaining about a few rehearsals and some shopping. There's no good way to tell news like this. Even if I'm only typing it.
Simply, Tarzan's brother and wife were in really bad car accident last night. QC (the brother) is okay. He was thrown from the car and landed in the gravel on the shoulder of the road. He's got 20 stitches in his head and lots of scrapes and bruises and he'll probably ache for days, but he's okay. MQ is not. Massive internal injuries, surgery for hours last night, did not regain consciousness...She died this morning. They have a two year old son, Teaq.
We are, of course, flying out to be with Tarzan's and MQ's families, most of whom live near there. Rocketgirl is coming from the Deep South. M's siblings are coming from where they come from. I've had emails and calls from Tarzan's other siblings and cousins and family. We're asking each other how we are, but I don't think anyone knows. It's so weird really. I don't know how to feel. Stunned for sure. Sad? Of course. I haven't cried yet, though I expect to do some of that before the week's out. I've never known anyone who died before. Well, that's not entirely true. My mother's parents and my father's mother have all passed away in my lifetime. (My dad's father died before I was born.) I wasn't able to go to their funerals though. But grandparents are expected to die. They're old and have lived a long time. This is the first time someone of my generation has died. My first funeral. What should I say? What can one who is family-but-not-quite do? There are people taking care of Teaq, and QC, looking after the cleaning, the phone calls, the funeral arrangements, the meals. I'm at loose ends. I'm trying to do some work here before we go but it's so weird to be normal-like knowing that people I know and love are enduring hard things. I can't imagine what going on without Tarzan would be like. And going on with kids...I don't know what to do other than pray. Tarzan's being stalwart. As the oldest child that's his character. I think it will be hard for him soon though. He was so happy when QC and MQ got married. If two people were ever made for each other they were. I'm so thankful for our faith and the understanding that marriages and relationships go on beyond this life. But the being separated certainly sucks in the meantime. So, that's my plan, such as it is. Be there for Tarzan. That and pray. Hard and often. Pray for QC and for Teaq. For MQ's parents. For her siblings. For QC's parents. For Tarzan and Rocketgirl and PFiddle.

This is me, numb and unsure.

I'm Officially Nuts

Why do I do this to myself EVERY SINGLE YEAR? The weekend was been a whirlwind and it's going to keep on for the next two weeks - actually three. The Primary, (little squirts) which means the leaders too, decorated the Christmas tree for our building on Saturday at 10am. That meant I had to be there earlier to dig the tree and the decorations out of the closet, test all the lights, put the tree together and then string the lights. Not quite by 10 did it happen but close enough for governement work, as my mother says. I also had to pick up three kids in my neighborhood - if my neighborhood you mean within 100 square miles - so I tried to keep them entertained while doing all the digging and testing and stringing. They sort of helped, but not really. Then the kids all had to go home again. Then it was the usual shopping, cleaning, laundry I did not get to, and lesson prepping for Sunday. Have you ever had to be two places at once? Sunday is NOT a day of rest for either Tarzan or myself. I needed to be introducing "Adeste Fideles" to the grown men in one room, while AT THE SAME time teaching the middle aged squirts (4-10yrs) in another room AND helping the babies (18mos-3yrs) with an activity in a third room. After that was over - thank goodness for great counsellors and my sister - I had to teach a lesson to the kids almost ready to age out. After THAT I had to lead the music for the whole congregation. And after THAT I had to check with people I had already asked, round up more people to ask and then schedule rehearsal times for all the numbers in the Christmas program the Sunday before Christmas. Whew. Then! I got to go home to start making some presents for Christmas and start our list for Christmas cards. (Yes, I am really late with those this year.) Tonight, Wednesday and Friday I have rehearsals for musical numbers for the program. Saturday my sister from up north comes in and we have the church Christmas party. While I am not planning it this year we are still responsible for a number of pieces of it. Bringing food of course, some music, some decorations. The candy that Santa gives out to the children. Sunday will be more practicing and teaching and we're also doing a craft with the little ones. A frame with their picture in it. Aww, cute! This sounded like a better idea back in July...
The week after that will be when I get to family shopping. It had better be or all people are getting from me this year will be a smile. And at some point I have to mail the stuff to England for my sister, brother-in-law and nephew over there...Ohh! Secret Santa presents too. There will be rehearsals next week too and then it's the 23rd and the program and then it's Christmas. Too soon! Too soon!

This is me, busy, busy as a bee.

Chocolate Pop Tarts

Christmas meme, Christmas meme!
Onesome: Chocolate-- The joy of the Christmas season? Boxes of See's and Godiva and other "Food Pron" showing up at the office? How do you feel about chocolate at the holidays? Yeah, really!

• Well, I loves me some chocolate - no question there. It's so velvety and smooth. I am most definitely a soft center kind of girl. No nuts in the chocolate for me. And the boxes do show up at the office. Strange, how this will be the last Christmas I'll be in an office and have these tres expensive looking packages arrive laden with food and drink that is so NOT good for you that you have to diet for a month after just LOOKING at it...So yeah, the chocolate is good. But is it the joy of the season? No.

Twosome: Pop--ping into your mind as the next thing that you only find this time of year? What are you looking forward to/forgot to go by to check on/oh, heck, it's time for? Pick one and go for it!

• Well, other than the obvious, like pine trees and wreaths and candy canes...I like the variety in baking supplies that come out this time of year. The gingerbread. And the ornaments. And the cards. And the lights. It's cliche I know, but really, I like everything Christmas related and most of it only comes out at this time of year.

Threesome: Tarts-- ...and is it also "candle time" around the place (work or home)? ...and do you use those 'tarts' to make the place smell nice? (Google it if you aren't familiar with them.)

• See last week's meme about smelly stuff at home. Plus there's the baking and the tree and wreath that give our house it's scents during the Christmas season. So no, we don't add candles or nothin' to spice up the air at home or work. But the tarts look really cute. There's a whole series of candles that look like candy/edible items. Hopefully no one eats them by mistake. Tarzan's mother has a bowl of glass candy on her living room table and it freaks a lot of people out when they reach for a treat.

This is me, loving the Thursday meme.

Little Darlings

I've started making the little loaves of bread we take to parties and give to people we like during Christmas. I try to start early because I only have four little loaf pans...and it only just occurred to me to buy more. (Yes, I AM a genius, why do you ask?) Plus I need to have 2 hour blocks of time in which to preheat, mix and bake for 45 minutes to an hour. Anyway. Last night I thought I was all kinds of smart to get a batch of banana bread into the oven while we watched Heroes. It was done just in time to remove it from the pans, cover it (I am not SO clueless, see?) and then get to bed. The thought, "move the bread to the counter," passed through my head as I fell asleep and I curse myself for not getting up and doing it immediately. But I didn't. So I woke up this morning and wandered into the kitchen and congratulated myself on the bread still being covered. Until I UNcovered it and saw the chunks torn out of the top of EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Gah! I am not surprised that they did it - and I REALLY should have moved the rack to the counter since they don't jump up there - but which one is smart enough to have covered the evidence back up again?!

This is me, considering how a fur rug would look on my wall...

Just Let It Go

Kind of funny how after NaBloPoMo we all stopped writing and take a breath before posting again. It was hard to think of quality stuff every day. I could have whined about the office every day but that's not quality reading and it makes me ill after a while. Speaking of the office however...
Turns out I don't know when to leave it alone. Why do I have to push and "make" someone see my point. I have a deep seated inferiority complex somewhere that makes me need to be right in all situations. I have a compulsion to "be right." Tarzan and I have had numerous fights because of my inability to let go. I blame my teddy bear doctor...And I have NO levitation capabilities. Can NOT make a joke of ANY thing. It's true. Just ask.
In this case I may have talked myself out of my Christmas vacation. Not really, because if the boss gets too dictatorial about it I will just quit early, but I shouldn't create the situation so that he CAN be all kinds of mean about it. It started all in good fun - people asking for time off after last week's crazy overtime hours. The Barracuda got out the time sheets and began reading off the amount of comp time we all have. I mentioned I would use up a bunch of it between Christmas and New Year's, and the boss temporized it with "as long as we don't need you here." I made the statement that since the building department is closed and the contractors don't work there wouldn't be anything to do anyway. He said of course they're open and it escalated from there. Nothing earth shattering - no yelling, no silent treatment - just a feeling of unease. It's not like he's going to lay down the law and make me come in that week. I should know by now that he makes a big stink about anyone taking time off and then lets us go and doesn't call hardly at all. After three years, I should KNOW that. But does that stop me? No. I disagree and it gets icky and I will now feel guilty about it all week.

This is me, really thankful for Tarzan who loves me anyway despite my argumentative tendencies.