One Of Those Days

After a day of church where the Primary President doesn't show up, meaning I have to do her job as well as mine and Singing Time, then speak in sacrament, manage the almost-1 year old (!!!), get home, pack the car and get on the road for the two hour drive to my parent's house for Cheetah's day-before-his-birthday party (!!!) guess whose car blows a tire 15 minutes before we exit the freeway to Nana's?
That would be ours.
After my sister came, from my parent's house, to fetch Cheetah and I from the car while Tarzan waited for the AAA guy to come we sat down two hours late to dinner and waited for Tarzan to return from the (finally) profitable hunt for a tire store somewhere in the middle of nowhere to have cake and open presents we left for home with barely enough time to make the two hour return trip, unpack the car and a totally zonked Cheetah, brush our teeth, type this post and fall into bed, barely making the deadline for it to still count for Sunday.

This is me and we have some crazy adventures.

My New Favorite Thing

Quite naturally, Cheetah is my favorite thing. Well, Tarzan is my favorite too.
(Shut up, I have a few favorites, okay?)
But this.
This is my new favorite thing today:

This is me and it's a party at meal times.

Local Specialty

It didn't seem weird at first glance:

And then I looked again:

I think they thought it rhymed, but did no one proof this thing? Ever?
I wonder if there's a closet business in this somewhere...

This is me and I don't think I want one.

Dishwashing 101

So this is why one is not supposed to use regular dish soap in the dishwasher:

I wasn't washing dishes, just cleaning the machine - light, quick periodic wash as recommended. I thought using the 'extra strength' cleaner would be a good idea.
It was not.
Had to repeatedly cancel and restart the cycle until the suds subsided enough for it to complete the whole thing and rinse out.

This is me and at least the dishwasher is squeaky clean!

Giggle Giggle Snort

I know this is not what you were hoping I'd post but it made me laugh out loud like I haven't in a while, generally because the baby is sleeping and I am hoping it lasts for more than 40 minutes:

This is me and sometimes Facebook is worth the (free) membership.

Taking Baby Pictures is Harder than it Looks!

Unfortunately because of my busy schedule I often don't get to see Cheetah awake. Its always wonderful to see him though. He sleep like an angel. I am having some trouble taking pictures of him with my new phone.

This is what he looks like in the morning without a flash.

This is what adding the flash did. Surprisingly he didn't wake up after this shot, just went back to sleep.

 

And this time I got it right. What is even better than seeing him asleep is seeing him awake. Sometimes when I get up I will find Cheetah lying quietly in his bed awake. As soon as he sees me he will flash one of his wonderful smiles and start dancing around in his crib. It is certainly the best way to start any day and it is sometimes very hard to go to work sometimes. I am also very happy that Cheetah lays around quietly and lets Jane sleep.

There is Beauty All Around...When This is What's For Dinner!!!!!

The most amazing part of this whole new baby thing is the food. Seriously, I have always loved Jane's cooking and her biggest pet peeve when she was working in an office was the fact that she didn't have time to cook. Now that she is home taking care of Cheetah, she is really hitting it out of the culinary park! This is what was on the menu last Thursday:

Bacon wrapped, goat cheese encrusted filet mignon drizzled with a balsamic vinegar reduction sauce accompanied by a dancing in the aisles, fabulously crunchy blue cheese and bacon chopped salad and a delightfully savory side of slap you in the face good, garlic and cheese mashed potatoes. This dinner was followed by tears of joy. And yet it was only almost as good as the home made cheese and broccoli soup she made the week prior. That dish was sooooo good I swear the earth moved as I relished it. Life is divine.

The many sides of an O'Grady

So it is interesting to discover how multi-faceted Cheetah is. He is always wonderful to behold but in constantly changing ways.
Here is a sleeping Cheetah:

Here is Saturday Night Fever Cheetah:

And here is DEFCON 5, break the Internet, cue the sun, dangerously, charmingly cute Cheetah.

The many faces of Cheetah O'Grady are a wonder to behold.

Spontaneous Eruption

So let's, on top of everything that is going on right now, this spring, let's add me being PREGNANT to the list!
Let me tell you, THIS was a surprise.
We have been married for 13-1/2 years. We have "been late" before, we have tried infertility treatments, we have never, ever, ever gotten even a positive ovulation test, let alone a positive pregnancy test. We did not even get a chemical positive during the IUI, IVF, alphabet soup times.
So when I was late, back in March, eh. No biggie. Happens all the time. Regular is not my middle name. But it kept not happening.
I was giving even odds it was the flu, a tumor or some intestinal bug.
But, given the time frame and the lack of evidence to the contrary, when going in for some regular blood work, I asked the doctor to tack on a pregnancy test too.
And on April 3, the results were in: positive.
Tarzan was both over the moon with excitement and terrified.
I kind of didn't believe it still, until I had my first real doctor's appointment and they did the ultrasound and pointed out the heart flicker:

Then it all became real.
And it meant we had to tell people too. So we waited for Mother's Day to tell our families - Tarzan wanted a lot of fanfare and his family came through.
Then he wanted to tell the people at church on Father's Day. They were suitably impressed as well.
But all the holding it in is over now and that's good because half of the reason I haven't posted much is because except for whining about how much I don't want to do work and this baby! I've got nothing.
Now I can share with you all and that will be a big relief.

This is me and it is way weird.

Not For Young Readers

Warning: Please be advised, the following contains material with adult themes. You probably shouldn't let the children read it.

Are we alone now?
...
Sure?
...
Okay good.
...
So, one of my jobs; being a personal assistant. And that means I do a lot of random things; file bills, laminate photos, highlight instructions, walk the dog, pull weeds, fetch the mail, chop vegetables for dinner, etc.
But.
Perhaps the weirdest/oddest/strangest/most bizarre thing I have ever had to do was order a vibrator for a 79 year old woman.
Yes, yes I did.
If it helps at all, I don't think she knows what it is that she asked for. In the catalog it was labeled as "intimate massager." It was circled on a page with other, more innocuous massagers.
What does not help is that when it arrived she instructed me to figure out how to charge it and how to turn it on.
And even after all that, I still don't think she knows what it is she asked for.
But I do and I will never be able to get that out of my mind.

This is me and the things that I do at work...

Random Travel Photos

So, I was showing a house today, and waiting for the lady to walk through "one last time" and was playing with my phone, pretending to look busy and I came upon some random photos from the airport when I was traveling.
There is a reason why the Jungle has a "style," a "vibe," a "look":

 

I especially like this one. The shoes, the blanket and the glasses:

 

This is me and it's amusing when you see the stereotype come true.

Really Fast Downturn

I can't share all of the specifics of the incident this evening, the community we live in being what it is, but let me tell you, it was a quick nosedive from the beautiful, organized, assembly line-like system I had set up for filling the Thanksgiving baskets and choosing delivery destinations to death threats and restraining orders, all in two short hours.

This is me and it was a weird night.

Too Cute For Words

Here is a picture of some of the most adorable children - my sister's clan, all four are hers and PITs - and beyond the red hair and the petite sizes - the oldest is six - and the ancient castle ruins in the background, they ALL have the British accent:

Which is too cute. Really. I can't even write the words with the pronunciation but imagine it when they say things like, "Mummy, I want cheese on my jacket potatoes".
ATL and I Skype with them every Sunday morning and now that the kids are in the groove they anticipate the call and plan to tell us things. Squishy and I are reading the Beast Quest books and discussing them on a weekly basis.

This is me and even across the pond we're keeping in contact.

Direct From The FBI

I got this email today and was totally impressed with the detail that the spammer went through to get in touch with me:

Federal Bureau of Investigation

                                  Intelligence Field Unit J. Edgar Hoover Building

                                    935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C.

 

Attention: Beneficary,

 

I am Special Agent Erick Bolt from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Intelligence Unit, we Intercepted two consignment boxes at JFK Airport, New York, the boxes were scanned but found out that it contained large sum of money ($4.1 million) and also some backup documents which bears your name as the Beneficiary/Receiver of the money, Investigation carried out on the diplomat that accompanied the boxes into the United States, said that he was to deliver the fund to your residence as overdue payment owed to you by the Federal Republic of Nigeria through the security company in the United Kingdom.

 

Meanwhile, we cross check all legal documents in the boxes but we found out that your consignment was lacking an important document and we cannot release the boxes to the diplomat until the document is found, right now we have no other choice than to confiscate your consignment.

 

According to Internal Revenue Code (IRC) in Title 26 also contain reporting requirement on a Form 8300, Report of Cash Payment Over $10,000 Received in a Trade or Business, money laundering activity may violate 18 USC §1956, 18 USC 1957, 18 USC 1960, and provision of Title 31, and 26 USC 6050I of the United States Code (USC), this section will discuss only those money laundering and currency violation under the jurisdiction of IRS, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of IRS and IRC, therefore you need to reply back immediately for direction on how to procure this certificate to enable us relieved the charge of evading the law on you, which is a punishable offense in the United States.

 

You are required to reply back within 72 hours or you will be prosecuted in a court of law for money laundering, also you are instructed to desist from further contact with any bank(s) or person(s) in Nigeria or the United kingdom or any part of the world regarding your payment because your consignment has been confiscated by the Federal Bureau here in the United States.

 

Yours In Service,

Agent Erick Bolt

Regional Deputy Director

Intelligence Field Unit

Despite the spelling mistakes, lack of grammar structure and the insane idea I would forget I was a money launderer, he did remember to copy himself at erick.bolt@fbi.gov
I almost want to call the Bureau to see if it's a real person.

This is me and someone found my $4.1 million! Thank goodness, I've been searching for that everywhere...

I Didn't Miss Them

This is not my first comment on the federal government.
I doubt it will be my last.
I am so irritated by this government shut-down / resurrection nonsense.
First, why did we elect such stupid, immature representatives?
Next, why do they think blaming the people / claiming that "the people have spoken" in any way makes sense?
Next, WHY do we allow these schmucks to continue to get paid - at all, let alone during the shut-down - when all the federal employees - who had nothing to say about the shut-down - did not?
Lastly, does anyone else think we should consider a third party? If enough of us vote for Floyd next time we might make a difference.
Frankly, I was very intrigued when the some of the states decided to take matters into their own hands and reopen the national parks with state money because the federal guys couldn't get it together. If that had gone on long enough I could see the states becoming independent countries and we could have forgotten all about the losers in D.C.

This is me and it always comes back to "the people get the government they deserve."

A Life Beyond #14

This is one of the weirdest houses I have ever been in. In the back yard, they have a fenced off tennis court, another fenced off area for the pool, an outdoor bar and a koi pond with a bridge and turtles:

The powder room did not disappoint:

Mirrors EVERY-where. Even the ceiling.


This is me and I think I would be afraid to pee in there.

Three-peat!

And it's Jane with another epic car story. FTW!
Seriously, this has not been a good month for my car.
Not long after the key experience at the beach I was driving my car as usual and the electrical light came on the dashboard. I have been having some trouble with the sensors in my car recently; had to get one cleaned and another one replaced, so I called the auto shop - we are on REALLY good terms with them - to see how serious they thought it was.
Verdict was, it shouldn't damage the car provided I drive it to them right away and not take the freeway.
Fair enough.
I was on my way to work when it happened, so I finished what I had scheduled for the day - no driving of the car involved - and headed over to the mechanic. Now I do work on the other side of town from the mechanic. 15 +/- miles. I drove carefully but as I kept going I noticed that electrical components of the car were shutting down. First the radio turned itself off, then the lights on the dash got dimmer.
At this point I know, I KNOW! I should have pulled the car over to the side of the road. I really should have.
But I was so close to the last turn before the long, straight piece of road that runs by the car shop.
It was a left hand turn.
If you haven't guessed by now how it goes down, we are way too similar. (See above about pulling the car over)
I was in the left hand turn-only lane and the car shut itself off. No noises, no pops or explosions, just, 'I'm done. kthxbye'
I immediately put my hazard lights on and called AAA - yet again. It's such a nice service to have when you need it - but because it was an electrical problem with the car, the hazard lights DIDN'T WORK.
When the light turned green I looked like some moron on her phone who didn't notice. Oh the honking and the middle fingers I got from people going around me! Going around me on both sides - as in; into oncoming traffic to go around me - and honking and cursing. Did I mention the honking?
To be fair, AAA arrived in 12 minutes. It was not a long time I was stranded in the left, left hand turn-only lane, but in that amount of time, probably 4-5 cycles of the lights, only one person asked me if I was okay. One delivery truck driver yelled at me to turn my hazard lights on. Genius suggestion man! Wish I'd thought of it...
It didn't help that the ticking of the hazard lights in the car - which most certainly were on - were like some kind of a bomb waiting to go off.
In those 12 minutes, one car pulled up and asked if I needed help. I thought it was sweet of him because he got honked at for pausing. I flashed him my AAA card and my phone and mimed a thumbs up. He waved and carried on. I hope something special happens for him because of that small act of service.
Shortly thereafter the tow truck arrived and took me to my mechanic's place. Turned out the alternator was broken. (I know!) They replaced it fairly quickly and we are good.
For now.

This is me hoping there are no more chapters to this tale.

Wait, Wait, It Gets Better

You thought THAT was crazy?
It gets better.
Yesterday was Stingy's daughter's birthday party - a private beach party with rented cabanas, 'help' and we should all be so lucky - and it was my 'privilege' to assist in the event.
I got up early, donned my beach attire and trundled off to walk the dog, check on the work stuff, pick up the balloons and the Chinese Chicken Salads and head out to the beach. It was a nice drive up the coast, a good 15 plus miles, tiny secluded turn off to the long winding drive. In a horror movie this is where you'd be yelling at me to turn around and go home.
I pulled into the parking lot - there is a restaurant there - and knowing that I would have my hands full of teenagers and presents and balloons and food and relatives all day, I did the smart thing, put my phone in my pocket, unclipped my car key from my key ring and locked my purse and remaining keys in the trunk.
I took the balloons over to the cabanas, tied them in appropriate places and went back to get the salads, which were also in the trunk of my car.
I pulled out the key with the fob for the trunk and realized something horrible.
It was not my car key.
I had saved Tarzan's car key and locked mine in the trunk.
Oh yes. Go Jane.
Having read something vague on the Internet - it doesn't lie right? - I called Tarzan - reception was - naturally - almost non-existent up there in paradise - and asked him to use his key fob to try and unlock my door.
Not even.
I'm not sure if the wind was too high, the reception too poor or the Internet was pulling my leg but it would seem it is not possible to unlock a car over the phone. FYI.
The battery on my phone was draining rapidly - poor reception symptom - so Tarzan called AAA - lovely people - and asked how long it would take to unlock my car seeing as I was way up the coast and though I was early to set up the others would be along shortly and I had two gigantic Chinese Chicken Salads in the trunk.
Turns out, with my fancy car, they can't just pop the trunk open and if they unlocked the door there's no way to get to the trunk - cursed convertible - and the trunk release does not work if the car is off. So they had to call a locksmith to MAKE A NEW KEY which - of course - costs over and above the membership fee to AAA. About as much as I made working at the party that day.
Fortunately for me, the guy was not too far away and arrived in 30 minutes. Of course his call saying he was there did not connect because the isolation of the area. But the staff helped a little and we got my trunk open.
With Stingy and the rest of the help standing by and watching my epic adventure.
If Facebook is to be believed it was a smashing good party, no one died from food poisoning and I now have an extra key to my trunk to stash someplace special in case I need it.

This is me and I am skilled.

The Story Of My Keys

In the midst of all this bishop become-ing we were doing, was one of the craziest days I have ever lived. And there have been a few.
Let me tell you about it.
Last week, the office manager from the last place I worked for real, called to let me know that the architect in the office had passed away. (I had an inkling something was up because the only other time in five years she had called was when he had the heart attack before this one.) She told me they were having a memorial on Tuesday (last Tuesday) and would I like to come. I thought, sure. Time had dulled the wounds and it seemed like a nice thing to do.
So. Tuesday morning I got up, dressed in my funeral attire and headed west to the church. I saw all the guys from the office, got caught up with things, heard the service, which was lovely, and we all headed over to the hotel for a lunch. The hotel was near the beach and had valet - which was paid for - and did I mention that my car was sick and in the shop so I was driving Tarzan's car. (Had had to drop Tarzan off at work early in the morning, do my stuff and at the end of the day pick him up again.)
I left Tarzan's car with the valet and went to lunch, which was lovely, ate with the guys, MC was nice to me and we carried on a conversation of pleasantries - unusual - and went back up to the valet to get my car. Turns out the valet was NOT prepaid and so everyone in front of me was really angry about having to pay $14 for their cars. It irritated me too but what were we to do? The woman's father had just died, who was going to whine about having to pay for their car?
I got in my car, drove almost home, stopping at the store for some refreshments and supplies for the Spa Night we were having that evening.
Did I mention I had a huge combined Relief Society activity that evening? (Relief Society and Young Women for both our ward and the Spanish speaking ward we share our building with.)
I got home close to 4:00 and only when I got to the door of the house did I realize that I did not have my house keys on my key ring. Weird. I called the hotel - the only place I had not had my keys - and sure enough I had "dropped them." (Total lie.) However, there was not enough time to turn around and go all the way across town to the hotel, come all the way back and make it in time to get Tarzan and still get to the activity.
So we left my keys, I went to the school and borrowed Tarzan's keys in order to change and fetch other things for the activity, fetched him and we ate dinner in the car on the way to the church. The activity was a grand success:

 

(In my humble opinion) and Tarzan was very productive in his meetings.
But my keys were still on the other side of town.
I was able to get them the next day, after all the work stuff and the car nonsense - that's another story to tell, my poor car - but the dude at the desk made me wait forever for help and forever to fetch my keys from security and then insisted that I had dropped my house keys - off my key ring - and I was very fortunate that they had found them. I sort of think they wanted a tip at the valet desk but I was not in the mood.

This is me and this sort of stuff happens only to me.

Inauguration

Guess what went down yesterday?

This is me. It's going to get crazy over here!